The Query Letter

I've been trying to write a query letter. "Try" being the operative word. How to make my voice and my story shine so a prospective agent wants to read more? It's trickier than I thought it would be. While doing some research on the best way to go about attacking a query, I stumbled upon a sure fire method *grin*...

How To Write A Query in 40 Simple Steps by C.J. Redwine

1. Pour yourself a small glass of gin & tonic.

2. Sip slowly, savoring the taste, as you carefully list your novel's main characters and conflicts.

3. Struggle to label your work with the appropriate genre.

4. Pour more gin and tonic to boost brain power.

5. Craft a first sentence that both grabs the reader's attention and conveys the essence of your novel.

6. Re-read first sentence.

7. Acknowledge that first sentence is absolute horse-s*** and delete the entire thing.

8. Pour more gin and tonic, minus the tonic.

9. Skip first sentence and dive into character descriptions.

10. Re-read character descriptions.

11. Acknowledge that character descriptions cannot be three paragraphs each and delete all but a few sentences.

12. Drain gin bottle.

13. Toss in a few sentences describing the conflict.

14. Re-read sentences describing conflict.

15. Acknowledge that the conflict sounds rather weak.

16. Toss in a conflict that isn't actually in the novel but could be, if the agent asks for a partial.

17. Wander to the kitchen for more gin.

18. Wonder who the hell put that wall in your way.

19. Return to desk.

20. Re-read query.

21. Drink two swallows of gin straight from the bottle.

22. Decide that "I have a fiction novel that totally kicks Nora Robert's sorry ass" is an acceptable first sentence.

23. Study the problem of deciding on a genre.

24. Take a few swallows of gin for fortification.

25. Realize you now see two keyboards on your desk instead of one. Choose which one to use.

26. Type madly for thirty seconds before realizing you are simply banging on your desk.

27. Swallow some gin and choose the other keyboard.

28. Decide that literary-paranormal-romantic-suspense-thriller-with-historical-sci-fi-elements is an acceptable genre for your novel.

29. Re-read query.

30. Insert adverbs generously and prolifically throughout to spice up the prose.

31. Print.

32. Spend five minutes cursing the foul beast of a computer for refusing such a simple request.

33. Turn printer on.

34. Print.

35. Sign name.

36. Realize you've misspelled your name.

37. Curse the gin.

38. Apologize to the gin.

39. Re-print, re-sign, seal in an envelope.

40. Send query.

My Excuse Monday

Poking fun at the but in all of us...

Printed with permission of Sam Morrison.

Dog-Eared Book Pages

I lent a friend a book recently (the first of a long series). Now, I'm very careful about who I lend my books to. I've been caught out in the past when I've handed out books under the understanding they were being borrowed, but to never see them again. I learnt. I only part with my reading material if I am sure it will be returned. The friend I trusted with my book did return it, she didn't let me down there, BUT my beautiful book came back to me dog-eared. Yes, she'd marked her place by turning the corners of the page down.

What to do? Naturally she wants to borrow the rest of the books in the series (there are 6), but I won't put the rest of my books through that level of pain. Is lending her the books with a pile of bookmarks enough of a hint? I'd love any suggestions you might have!